Becoming the spiritual leader of the house.

I am writing this blog not only to encourage others but also because of the conviction that has led to confession and repentance in my own life. The sin that I confessed and sought forgiveness for with God and my wife is the failure of being the spiritual leader of the house. Because of my lacking, not only was I being disobedient to my God-given responsibility, but I was also depriving my family of the servant leader that they need to help in their spiritual growth. God has given the calling for men to be spiritual leaders as husbands and fathers in the home. In 1 Cor 11:3, Paul gives the blueprint of the structure of the household, where God is the head of Christ, Christ is the head of man and man is the head of woman. While there is no distinction between man and woman in the eyes of God as both are image bearers of God, in fact, a married couple will best complement each other in bearing His image; however, God has given distinct roles for men and women through which a marriage functions uniquely according to Gods order. 

         Yet the rise of passiveness among men, especially towards the spirituality of the household has left many families to be spiritually stagnant. While women do play a vital role in voluntarily submitting to the leadership of their husbands and encouraging their husbands to fulfill their roles, most of the problems do not seem to be that. But just like my wife, many wives are actually waiting and desiring for their husbands to step up in the role of the spiritual leader. This blog is for those that have the same conviction as I had of being passive in leading my family spiritually. As Heb 4:12 says, the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart, and I have been convicted of failing to fulfill the role that God has called me to. And after studying various passages, especially in Proverb 18:9, Proverb 24:30-34 and Ephesians 5:25-28 (I encourage you to read these passages), the first conviction that I had is this:

Men, our failure to fulfill the role of a spiritual leader at home is sin against the Holy God that needs to be confessed and repented of.

         This is the truth that has been ignored and needs to be constantly reminded of among men. Often, men think and act as if they have fulfilled their role as a leader by financially providing for their families. While providing for the family is God-given responsibility to the husband (1 Timothy 5:8), just merely providing a good physical life to the family does not satisfy the responsibility of the spiritual leader that God wants husbands to be. Ignoring the role of the spiritual leader of the house is a sin indeed. Not only that, ignoring the role of the spiritual leader in the family will deprive the family of the spiritual care that God wants to provide through the husband and father. For example: A father that ignores the role of a spiritual leader leads his family to spiritual ruin, just as a man ruins his yard by ignoring to take care of his lawn. While many men work hard diligently to provide for their families, many at the same time are depriving their families of spiritual care by ignoring their role as the spiritual leader. With greater power comes greater responsibility (spidey reference), hence men are also responsible for the spiritual direction of their marriage and family. So, men, we need to step up. Thankfully scripture provides help. 

         First and foremost, we need to remind ourselves of the goal behind us stepping up as the spiritual leader. The goal of being obedient to God’s order and becoming the spiritual leader of the family is so that God may be glorified in our marriage and family. We should desire spiritual growth in our lives and the lives of our families so God may be glorified. (1 Corinthians 10:31, 2 Corinthians 5:9, Colossians 3:17) And although we may fail and come short, we should still strive to progress in becoming the spiritual leader to help our family grow in their spiritual life. As we build this perspective, Men, being a spiritual leader is an important act of worship that we give to God by serving our marriage and family. As we think about the role of the husband in Ephesians 5:25, we are to love our wife as Christ loved the church, and that not only includes loving them physically but also spiritually. The husbands are to lay down their lives for their wives and children to protect them physically and spiritually. I live in the Bible-belt Midwest where men are ready to buy one more gun to protect their family from physical danger but take no active intention in protecting their family from spiritual dangers. Men, we have been commanded to be the leaders of our household, a leader that reflects the servant leadership of our example Jesus Christ.

So, how can we be better spiritual leaders at home? I present a few helpful tips: 

1.  Men, the spiritual direction of your marriage and family begins with you. Since you are the spiritual leader of your family, you need to be growing spiritually in your personal life to lead your family well. Have a personal time of prayer and study of God’s word in place so that you are fueled up for the day to lead your family well. Not only will that prepare you to be the leader you should be, but it will also set a great example and show the importance of spiritual life to your family. After all, they are looking at you as their leader. As you discipline yourself with personal time with God, encourage and make it accessible for your wife and children to develop and implement personal time too.
2. Men, be the spiritual leader in worship. Do not wait for your wife to initiate talks about family worship (as many do) but fulfill your role of spiritual leader by becoming intentional in setting the vision for the spiritual direction of your family. This is not to say exclude your wife in the decisions, definitely include her but don’t wait for her to initiate. Said that, have a time set in the day when you can lead your family to worship. It could be as simple as praying with the family and reading the Bible together. And you can add to that as per the need of the family (Family Worship Bible Guide by Joel Beeke is a great resource). Take the role of the spiritual teacher, prepare well ahead, and proclaim the truth of God’s word to your family. At this point, you may say to yourself that you are too busy and do not have time. But my question will be, in the eternal scheme of things, what should take priority over the time that God has given to us? We men often usually give the best of our life to work and career and rest to our family. And while the intention (providing financially) might be right, but at what cost? Is the risk of spiritual ruin worth it? With God’s help, change your thinking and you will find all the time you need to be the spiritual leader. 
3. Men, lead your family also in confession, repentance, seeking and granting forgiveness. Our family needs to see that we are not perfect spiritual leaders, and we fail sometimes, and we also need the forgiveness and grace of God and those that are around us. By doing that, we are also setting up a great example and blueprint of how we deal with shortcomings, failures, or sins in our family. At the same time, we are also showing our reliance upon our perfect leader, Jesus Christ. Additionally, Lead your family in humility and in service as exemplified by Christ Himself. We are to be spiritual leaders in these areas too
4. Lastly, Men, I know that these things are easy to type and speak rather than to implement in action. Yet I want to give you hope that, by God’s grace and God’s strength it is doable. Our strength, motivation, and power needed to fulfill our role as the spiritual leader come from the one who called us to be the spiritual leader, our Lord Himself. As Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24, God who faithfully calls us for this role will sanctify us to fulfill this role.

You may have become a passive spiritual leader in your home until today, but as you confess and repent of your sins, God is not only faithful to forgive but also faithful to help you embrace the task that God has called you for. So, do not lose heart, but trust in God with the desire for His glory in your mind, and strive to be the Spiritual leader of your family.