Blended Family: For the glory of God.

Blended families are becoming more and more common in today’s world, including among Christians. This blog is not to discuss what criteria should be for blended families, on topics such as divorce and remarriage, but I want to help our blended families and those counseling blended families, remember some great, hope-filled, transformative truth from scripture. 

Firstly, I don’t consider to be an expert in understanding the complexity of blended families. Each family is unique. However, I do want to say that God has a high view of marriage and family, whether it is blended or not, and there are great truths to live by in the scripture that provide necessary help. Thus, based on the scripture, here are some general truths about blended families:

• On Marriage:
  • Marriage is a lifelong covenant of companionship between a man and a woman, created in the image of God, that results in unity of purpose for dominion under God.^[i] Marriage, even when two blended families come together (given the remarriage was done biblically), is instituted and ordained by God. Thus, the character of marriage is established by God. When two families blend together to form one family, they submit to God to give them direction and understanding on how to function in marriage. Thus, the sanctity of marriage remains the same. Marriage in a blended family is ultimately to glorify God, just like any marriage. (2 Corinthians 5:9) And so, based on the desire to please God, the blended family fulfills its roles as husband, wife, parents, and children (Ephesians 5:22-6:4). As complex as it is to work out the details pertaining to blended families, who come from different households with different traditions and ways of doing things, the great motivation to fulfill the God-given role in marriage comes from the desire to honor and glorify God. With the goal in mind, a man leads the family with love and sacrifice, and the wife submits to the husband, and they both lead their family in God’s instruction, and in return, the children honor their parents. All for the glory of God.
• On Parenting:
  • The most complex issue when it comes to blended families, from my counseling experience, is in the issue of parenting. Now, one of the mistakes that I see blended families make often is that they jump into setting boundaries and guidelines for parenting and make that a priority over everything else. Matter of fact, most of such marriages are spent in working out the parenting aspect of marriage. Most conflicts arise because the parents don’t agree on parenting. And while the guideline for parenting is important, especially to establish it through God’s Word, one must see the order in which God views family. According to scripture, a family unit is strong when marriage is strong. Our Lord Jesus taught on the importance of marriage and the priority of the spousal relationship in marriage in Matthew 19:5. After our relationship with God, the relationship of husband and wife should take the most priority, and when the marital relationship is strong, it will only benefit the couple in setting good biblical parenting guidelines. A couple in a blended family that prayerfully and submissively works towards strengthening their marriage will work better as a team in establishing expectations as parents. Often times, the not getting along when it comes to parenting or discipline issue is the result of not getting along with each other in marriage. This is true for any marriage. 
  • That said, the role of parents in raising their children with love in instruction of the Lord and discipline remains the same in the blended family. Parents, leading by example through their marriage, are to reveal to their children that God’s way is the best and disciple them in God’s Word. The example of love and godliness from parents will encourage and uplift the children in moving from their own struggles about the blended family to a God-honoring relationship with their parents as love and trust are built. With patience and prayer, parents work towards building a loving relationship with all children to fulfill their responsibility in raising them for the glory of God.
• On Discipline:
  • One of the key disagreements in a blended family can often be on the topic of discipline. Discipline motivated by the love for children that desires to see them honor God is a responsibility given to parents (Proverbs 3:12). Often, inconsistency and partiality in discipline lead to various conflicts within blended marriages. The general principle would be to set up and enforce discipline fairly and consistently for all the children. In most cases, the natural parent might be in the best position to discipline his or her own children, while the stepparents can continue building a relationship, trust, and respect from their stepchildren. Nevertheless, careful planning and consistency are key for parents to enforce fair discipline among children in the blended family. 
• For Children:
  • Often, children have a hard time accepting their parents’ marriage to another person in a blended family. The role of parents is to lovingly teach them and show them with their marriage as an example to help them move past this hurdle, as discussed above. Sometimes, this takes work, patience, and time. Lead them gently. However, by God’s grace, it is possible. Nevertheless, the scripture also sets a role for children, which is to obey and honor their parents (Ephesians 6:1-3). Obeying and honoring the parents is one of the indications of obeying and honoring God. Thus, children in the blended family are to be encouraged to do so towards both their natural and stepparents, as long as parents don’t ask their children to do something that God forbids.
• Last encouragement to parents:
  • I saved the best for last. Those in blended families, one of the biggest encouragements that I can give you through this blog is to focus on your spiritual life. If you are growing in your spiritual life, being filled with the spirit, holding fast to the word of God, walking in the ways that God has established for you (Ephesians 5:15-21), you will already have the right foundation to fulfill your role in marriage and parenting. When our vertical relationship (relationship with God) thrives, our horizontal relationship is bound to thrive as we function with more grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness, which we firsthand experience in our life from God every day.
• This blog does not address all the realities and practicum that come with blended families. And I also recognize the difficulties and hardships that come when two families blend as one. However, God’s Word provides guidelines about what marriage should be and gives us great hope that God is honored when we are faithful and obedient to Him. There is nothing that satisfies a Christian more than realizing that our life brings honor and glory to our God. God blesses faithfulness, and our faithfulness in being spirit-filled through God’s Word and submitting to His instruction to fulfill our roles in marriage and parenting will ultimately be a blessing to our marriage and our family. All for the glory of God.

---

^[i] This definition is from the resource on marriage provided by Sonrise Counseling Ministries, Ozark, MO. 

Role of Submission in Marital Harmony : Definition, Limitations and Marriage Implications

Definition

As children of God and imitators of God, every believer is to “walk as children of light and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord” (Eph 5:8-9). Similarly, one can only walk in the light when filled with the Spirit. To be filled with the Spirit means to be filled with Christ, God, and His Word. The one who is filled with the spirit knows God’s will and God’s desire as revealed in the scripture so that every believer can walk worthy of the calling of God. From Eph 5, one can see that being filled with the Spirit results in submitting unto God, reverently worshiping Him as our God, and submitting to one another, seeking to exemplify humility and kindness of Christ with each other. Thus, in the context of marriage, one cannot have marital harmony without being filled with the spirit because each spouse is to fulfill their role in marriage as their service to Christ. 

Keeping the above context in the back of our minds, one can now define and understand submission. The submission has been used as a negative term in the current culture. It is used as an oppressive word. However, if our desire is to be filled with the spirit, we are to also understand the term submission the way Scripture defines it and not the culture. In the context of marriage, Kevin Carson defines biblical submission of wives as, “the humble, voluntary recognition of the divine ordering regarding authority and leadership to God-appointed roles.”^[1] Henceforth, unlike what the culture presents, submission is not an issue of superiority or inferiority in marriage but an issue of worship. Linda Rice writes, “Submission is not for oppression, it is for imaging…By submission to her husband in the power of the Spirit, a wife shows the beauty, joy, and blessing of being ruled by Christ.”^[2] According to the scripture, one of the way wives worship Christ and shows their submission to Christ is by choosing to submit to their husbands. By God’s divine ordering, the husband is the head of the wife, imaging the headship of Christ over the church, and by submitting to the position of authority given to the husband by God, the wife humbly chooses to submit to God’s appointed role in marriage. 

Limitations

         Firstly, the submission of the wife to their husband is in the context of the marriage. Wives are to only submit to their husbands. Secondly, wives are not called to submit because they are inferior to their husbands in their abilities. Neither is the wife called to submit as a result of the husband demanding it. Moreover, wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. For example, submission to the husband does not imply submitting to which causes the wife to sin. The husband does not have the authority to ask the wife to sin under the umbrella of submission. Therefore, the best way for wives to exercise submission in marriage is by paying special attention to how the church submits to Christ and submit to their husband in the same manner in every area of life. Thus, as hard as it sounds there are no limitations on submission. 

Marriage Implication

         For the wives, submission is one of the evidences of the transforming work God does in their lives in salvation. When one understands the divine perspective behind the role of submission in marriage, wives can submit to their husbands joyfully knowing that they are worshipping God and living in a way that is pleasing to God. When the God-given roles in marriage are honored and implied in God-instituted marriage, a God-pleasing marriage is enjoyed by husbands and wives. In the bigger picture, a great picture of the relationship between Christ and the church is showcased to the world. 

---

^[1] Kevin Carson, “Marriage Principles.” Lecture, Baptist Bible College, Oct, 2022. Video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORrRVpzTCbc

^[2] Linda Rice, “A Reflective Purpose of Marriage: Submission,” BiblicalCounselor.com, last modified April 25, 2022, accessed October 2, 2022, https://biblicalcounselor.com/?p=47125.

Becoming the spiritual leader of the house.

I am writing this blog not only to encourage others but also because of the conviction that has led to confession and repentance in my own life. The sin that I confessed and sought forgiveness for with God and my wife is the failure of being the spiritual leader of the house. Because of my lacking, not only was I being disobedient to my God-given responsibility, but I was also depriving my family of the servant leader that they need to help in their spiritual growth. God has given the calling for men to be spiritual leaders as husbands and fathers in the home. In 1 Cor 11:3, Paul gives the blueprint of the structure of the household, where God is the head of Christ, Christ is the head of man and man is the head of woman. While there is no distinction between man and woman in the eyes of God as both are image bearers of God, in fact, a married couple will best complement each other in bearing His image; however, God has given distinct roles for men and women through which a marriage functions uniquely according to Gods order. 

         Yet the rise of passiveness among men, especially towards the spirituality of the household has left many families to be spiritually stagnant. While women do play a vital role in voluntarily submitting to the leadership of their husbands and encouraging their husbands to fulfill their roles, most of the problems do not seem to be that. But just like my wife, many wives are actually waiting and desiring for their husbands to step up in the role of the spiritual leader. This blog is for those that have the same conviction as I had of being passive in leading my family spiritually. As Heb 4:12 says, the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart, and I have been convicted of failing to fulfill the role that God has called me to. And after studying various passages, especially in Proverb 18:9, Proverb 24:30-34 and Ephesians 5:25-28 (I encourage you to read these passages), the first conviction that I had is this:

Men, our failure to fulfill the role of a spiritual leader at home is sin against the Holy God that needs to be confessed and repented of.

         This is the truth that has been ignored and needs to be constantly reminded of among men. Often, men think and act as if they have fulfilled their role as a leader by financially providing for their families. While providing for the family is God-given responsibility to the husband (1 Timothy 5:8), just merely providing a good physical life to the family does not satisfy the responsibility of the spiritual leader that God wants husbands to be. Ignoring the role of the spiritual leader of the house is a sin indeed. Not only that, ignoring the role of the spiritual leader in the family will deprive the family of the spiritual care that God wants to provide through the husband and father. For example: A father that ignores the role of a spiritual leader leads his family to spiritual ruin, just as a man ruins his yard by ignoring to take care of his lawn. While many men work hard diligently to provide for their families, many at the same time are depriving their families of spiritual care by ignoring their role as the spiritual leader. With greater power comes greater responsibility (spidey reference), hence men are also responsible for the spiritual direction of their marriage and family. So, men, we need to step up. Thankfully scripture provides help. 

         First and foremost, we need to remind ourselves of the goal behind us stepping up as the spiritual leader. The goal of being obedient to God’s order and becoming the spiritual leader of the family is so that God may be glorified in our marriage and family. We should desire spiritual growth in our lives and the lives of our families so God may be glorified. (1 Corinthians 10:31, 2 Corinthians 5:9, Colossians 3:17) And although we may fail and come short, we should still strive to progress in becoming the spiritual leader to help our family grow in their spiritual life. As we build this perspective, Men, being a spiritual leader is an important act of worship that we give to God by serving our marriage and family. As we think about the role of the husband in Ephesians 5:25, we are to love our wife as Christ loved the church, and that not only includes loving them physically but also spiritually. The husbands are to lay down their lives for their wives and children to protect them physically and spiritually. I live in the Bible-belt Midwest where men are ready to buy one more gun to protect their family from physical danger but take no active intention in protecting their family from spiritual dangers. Men, we have been commanded to be the leaders of our household, a leader that reflects the servant leadership of our example Jesus Christ.

So, how can we be better spiritual leaders at home? I present a few helpful tips: 

1.  Men, the spiritual direction of your marriage and family begins with you. Since you are the spiritual leader of your family, you need to be growing spiritually in your personal life to lead your family well. Have a personal time of prayer and study of God’s word in place so that you are fueled up for the day to lead your family well. Not only will that prepare you to be the leader you should be, but it will also set a great example and show the importance of spiritual life to your family. After all, they are looking at you as their leader. As you discipline yourself with personal time with God, encourage and make it accessible for your wife and children to develop and implement personal time too.
2. Men, be the spiritual leader in worship. Do not wait for your wife to initiate talks about family worship (as many do) but fulfill your role of spiritual leader by becoming intentional in setting the vision for the spiritual direction of your family. This is not to say exclude your wife in the decisions, definitely include her but don’t wait for her to initiate. Said that, have a time set in the day when you can lead your family to worship. It could be as simple as praying with the family and reading the Bible together. And you can add to that as per the need of the family (Family Worship Bible Guide by Joel Beeke is a great resource). Take the role of the spiritual teacher, prepare well ahead, and proclaim the truth of God’s word to your family. At this point, you may say to yourself that you are too busy and do not have time. But my question will be, in the eternal scheme of things, what should take priority over the time that God has given to us? We men often usually give the best of our life to work and career and rest to our family. And while the intention (providing financially) might be right, but at what cost? Is the risk of spiritual ruin worth it? With God’s help, change your thinking and you will find all the time you need to be the spiritual leader. 
3. Men, lead your family also in confession, repentance, seeking and granting forgiveness. Our family needs to see that we are not perfect spiritual leaders, and we fail sometimes, and we also need the forgiveness and grace of God and those that are around us. By doing that, we are also setting up a great example and blueprint of how we deal with shortcomings, failures, or sins in our family. At the same time, we are also showing our reliance upon our perfect leader, Jesus Christ. Additionally, Lead your family in humility and in service as exemplified by Christ Himself. We are to be spiritual leaders in these areas too
4. Lastly, Men, I know that these things are easy to type and speak rather than to implement in action. Yet I want to give you hope that, by God’s grace and God’s strength it is doable. Our strength, motivation, and power needed to fulfill our role as the spiritual leader come from the one who called us to be the spiritual leader, our Lord Himself. As Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24, God who faithfully calls us for this role will sanctify us to fulfill this role.

You may have become a passive spiritual leader in your home until today, but as you confess and repent of your sins, God is not only faithful to forgive but also faithful to help you embrace the task that God has called you for. So, do not lose heart, but trust in God with the desire for His glory in your mind, and strive to be the Spiritual leader of your family. 

Biblical Marriage and Culture’s War against it!

What is Biblical Marriage ?

The glory of marriage is understood best when one views marriage through the lens and words of the one who created and established marriage, and that is God Himself. Marriage is not an invention of man; it is an invention of God. Thus, the definition and purpose of marriage reside within the purpose and plan of God. One of my class lecturer on Marriage Counseling defines marriage as, “Marriage is a life-long covenant of companionship between a man, and woman created in the image of God, that results in unity for the purpose of dominion under God.”^[1]It is fascinating that marriage is part of the Bible at the beginning of mankind, as the beginning of Genesis records the marriage between Adam and Eve, and marriage is part of the Bible at the end of mankind, as we wait for the glorious union of Christ and His bride, the church. Gen. 2:18 shows us the beginning of the establishment of marriage whereas, in Gen 2:24, one can see the charge given to the first couple Adam and Eve by God Himself. 

Breaking down the definition of marriage above, Marriage is firstly a life-long covenant of companionship. Going back to the first man, we can read in Scripture that Adam was inadequate by himself to be fruitful and multiply and there was no one in creation that would fit to be his helper and so, God created a fitting helper for him in Eve. Eve was given to Adam not only so that his loneliness can be addressed but at the same time also, so that he can have a lifelong companion who would now make him complete to fulfill the creation mandate- to be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth. Thus, marriage is a life-long covenant. Marriage is not a contract where one party only fulfills their responsibility dependent upon the other party fulfilling their responsibilities. But Marriage is a covenant that a husband and wife make with each other, to fulfill their role regardless of how the other party responds. One of the best way to understand the covenant of marriage is by looking at the picture of covenant that it represents, the covenant between Christ and the Church. Kevin Carson writes, “This visible icon of marriage exclusively conveys the breadth, length, height, and depth of Christ’s covenant-faithful love toward His bride, the Church.”^[2] In the same manner, as Gen 2:24 suggest, a couple leaving parents and coming together and becoming one flesh indicates a deep intimacy, companionship, and trust with each other and this is to last for life long, only to be separated by death. 

Moving on, Marriage is a lifelong covenant of companionship between a man and woman created in the image of God. There are various implications to this. Firstly, Marriage is between a man and woman. Since God is the one who instituted the marriage, He gets to set the standard and rule of marriage and in His good plan for mankind, it was God’s grace to create Eve to compliment Adam, and thus, a Biblical marriage can only be between a man and woman. Secondly, since God created Adam and Eve both in His image, Adam and Eve are to be in an equal complementary relationship. While the roles of husband and wife are different, the husbands and wife are to complement each other equally in helping each other please God. Thus, husbands and wives are to work together in unity serving God and each other selflessly. Similarly, since man and woman are created in the image of God, to change the nature of marriage (homosexuality) and change the gender (transgenderism) not only is a sin against God’s sacred institution of marriage (homosexuality) but is also a rebellion against His good creation plan. 

Marriage is a lifelong covenant of companionship between a man and woman created in the image of God that results in unity for the purpose of dominion. As a married couple, man and woman are to be united for the purpose of pleasing God as the couple selflessly loves one another and fruitfully multiplies. Often marriage is looked upon selfishly, as the couple wants to marry and stay in marriage only when their expectations are met. But the picture of marriage suggests that marriage is a selfless service pictured after the love, mercy, and grace of Jesus Christ Himself. The selfless love that Jesus showed towards His bride church is to be imitated in marriage. Stuart Scott writes, “True love has no ulterior motive to only benefit self.”^[3] Each spouse is to selflessly commit to the benefit of the other in marriage.  Similarly, today’s world is fascinated by self and thus discourages having children for the purpose of self-fulfillment. The Bible teaches that marriage is to be fruitful and multiply in order to subdue the earth. Children are part of the plan for marriage according to God. This is also one of the reasons why homosexual marriage is out of nature and unbiblical. 

Lastly, marriage is a life-long covenant of companionship between a man, and woman created in the image of God, that results in unity for the purpose of dominion under God. Stott writes, “We need to be aware that life does not revolve around us. As our creator, God is the cause and center of all things”^[4] As mentioned above, marriage is created and ordained by God and thus is to be enjoyed under His rule and for His glory. The ultimate purpose of marriage is the glory of God as each couple focuses on to fulfill the responsibility of their role in marriage “as to the Lord”. (Eph 5:25-32)  

Marriage Implications.

         Understanding Marriage according to the Bible has some great eternal, sanctifying implications for husbands and wives. Understanding the covenant of marriage, husbands can imitate Christ by loving their wives selflessly. Carson further writes, “For the husband, Christ supremely exemplifies true selflessness with a passion to nourish (provide everything necessary to grow) and cherish (demonstrate tender compassion toward) His bride. Christ seeks to help His bride grow in holiness and maintain purity.”^[5] Similarly, the wives choose to submit to her husband and follow his lead just as the church follows her selfless leader Christ. When one looks at the Biblical definition of marriage, it can’t be unnoticed that husbands and wives commit to the lifelong covenant of faithfulness towards one other so that God is glorified by their marriage. Carson notes, “The husband can choose faithfulness because Christ is faithful. The wife can choose faithfulness because Christ is faithful. Christ provides those in Him with the power and motivation to not just serve Him but also serve each other.”^[6] Ultimately when both spouses focus on pleasing God and through that perspective focus on serving each other, marriage is joyful and enjoyable. 

         The biblical teaching on marriage also has a very clear implication for the growing cultural trend of homosexuality and transgenderism. By definition, homosexual marriage is not a biblical marriage and since God is the creator, ordaining the person of marriage, it is not a marriage at all. It does not promote unity to please God nor does it fulfill the creation mandate to be fruitful and multiply. Nevertheless, the Scripture clearly teaches the act of homosexuality as a sin. The other growing norm of today’s generation is transgenderism. Instead of learning to be content and glorify God with the gender that He created us with, many show their dissatisfaction and discontentment in God’s creation plan by desiring and acting upon the desire by attempting to change the gender. The gender cannot be changed through any physical procedures or by changing the pronounces, what God has created cannot be changed and thus, transgender marriage is again invalid and unbiblical. Both homosexuality and transgenderism are the results of sin where people have chosen to worship the creation rather than the creator. The lustfulness of man has resulted in God giving them up to dishonoring of their bodies as Paul writes in Romans 1:24-25. What is the result of sin cannot be from God and thus, the marriage of homosexuality and transgenderism is completely an unbiblical, man-made, sinful institution. 

WORKS CITED

Carson, Kevin, “Definition of Marriage: Marriage Counseling”, PDF presented at Baptist Bible College, Springfield, MO, Web Access: September 26, 2022. https://gobbc.populiweb.com/router/courseofferings/10735828/folders/252301/show

Carson, Kevin. “The Covenant of Marriage.” KevinCarson.com. Last modified October 29, 2021. Accessed September 26, 2022. https://kevincarson.com/2021/10/29/the-covenant-of-marriage/.    

Scott, Stuart. The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective. Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2003. 

---

^[1] Kevin Carson, “Definition of Marriage: Marriage Counseling” (PDF presented at Baptist Bible College, Springfield, MO, Web Access: September 26, 2022).

^[2] Kevin Carson, “The Covenant of Marriage,” KevinCarson.com, last modified October 29, 2021, accessed September 26, 2022, https://kevincarson.com/2021/10/29/the-covenant-of-marriage/.

^[3] Stuart Scott, The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective (Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2003), 106.

^[4] Ibid, 33. 

^[5] Kevin Carson, “The covenant of marriage.” accessed September 26, 2022, https://kevincarson.com/2021/10/29/the-covenant-of-marriage/.

^[6] Ibid.

Having a Christlike Speech

Many years ago, there was a trend that was popular among Christians, many even had wrist bands following this trend, that said WWJD, “What would Jesus do?” The principle was to examine our heart and our actions and compare it with the heart and actions of Jesus and not only compare it but also align it with Jesus.  The goal was to have Christlike behaviors.Today, it seems like many need a reminder of not only WWJD but WWJS, “What would Jesus say?” 

Saturated by God’s word, our words are also to be Christ-like. This calls for an examination of our speech and more so of our heart to see if our words and conversations align with the words and conversations Jesus would have. This is not to presume that we use the same words as Jesus but we ought to use words that are truthful and sincere like Jesus. 

We live in a time and age where there is a great need to be truthful and sincere in our speech. From news to Facebook posts to a simple tweet, we are daily reminded of the reality of the sinfulness of this world by how the truth is abused. Many tend to distort the truth in their favor whereas many tend to use words that are not meant to help or build or encourage but to actually put the other person down. The goal is to elevate themselves. Just look around us, we see truth being misrepresented, and exaggerated, we see promises being made without any intentions to fulfill, we see excuses being made to ignore responsibilities. A quick glance at the social media can reflect such reality but it also calls for the urgency for us believers, who have been transformed by the gospel to this new life of righteousness; to be truthful and sincere.

Christ not only demonstrated with His life but also taught His believers to be truthful and sincere. In His magnificent ‘Sermon on the Mount’, while correcting the false teachers of His time, who were flippantly and carelessly taking false oaths, Jesus encourages His believers by teaching, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”(Matthew 5:37 ESV) While Jesus was not prohibiting or banning the taking of oaths, He was definitely calling upon His believers to be truthful and sincere in everything they say. If we want to talk like Jesus, our words are to be trustworthy and reliable just like Jesus’ words. As Christians, we don’t even need to take an oath, for our words are to be truthful and sincere to such a point that people around us don’t even have to question if it can be trusted or not. Just as an oath binds a person to tell the truth, our gospel transformation, and our goal to be like Christ should bind us to have the reputation of truth-telling.

The Scripture provides ample teaching on how we can trust God and His word to foster the habit of truthfulness in our speech so that we can have a Christlike speech. Here are few ways we can foster truthfulness and sincerity in our speech:

Examine your speech: You know better than anyone else with an exception to God Himself, if you are being truthful or not in your speech. In fact, this might also be a motivation to not speak and stay silent rather than speak in an untruthful and insincere manner. James 1:9 can be our motivation to be slow to speak when the speech is not God-honoring. Moreover, Ephesians 4:29 can be a great source for us to examine our speech. Even when we are being truthful, does our speech include sincerity to build the other person? Does it fit the occasion or is it an appropriate time? And lastly, does it provide grace to the hearer? Imagine how many social media arguments would have been avoided if believers filtered their speech through the lens of the above verse in Ephesians.

Examine your heart: It makes sense biblically that examining our speech should lead to examining our heart. Because our speech is a revelation of our heart? Jesus says in Luke 6:45, “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” (emphasis added by me) What is the state of our hearts? Even when we may be speaking the truth, is it motivated by love with the goal of building the other person up. As Luke 6:45 teaches, we are to examine the state of our heart to evaluate if it is a storage of good treasure or evil treasure. Moreover, as our sinfulness of heart is exposed, we are compelled to seek God’s mercy, who alone can change our heart from flawed-ness to truthfulness. If you tend towards being untruthful, repent of your sins and plead with God to change your heart. God is faithful to forgive, and He is faithful to change us. Moreover, this also leads us to ask ourselves “what kind of treasures are we feeding our heart?” Thus, it is very essential that we consume God’s word on a regular basis so our heart becomes a storage of good treasures. And when you take time to read, meditate and submit to God’s word, it will reflect upon your speech.

Saturate your speech with God’s word: One of the things that I have learned from my experience of counseling is that I am less prone to fail with my words and harm others with my speech when I am more dependent on using God’s word in my conversations. While our words are flawed and cannot be fully trusted, God’s word is trustworthy. This is where James 1:9 is helpful again, we are to be slow to speak but quick to listen. While we spend time in God’s word’s we are opening our ears to hear what God has to say, which will impact our speech to be glorifying to God. God’s word warns us not to be quick to speak (James 1:9), to speak the truth with love (Ephesians 4:15), to not speak corruptly but to speak to build the other person up in grace (Ephesians 4:29), and to encourage others gently towards righteousness (Galatians 6:1). 

As we saturate ourselves with God’s word, it renews our heart through the help of the Holy Spirit to change our flawed heart towards the heart of truthfulness and sincerity, as exemplified and taught by our Lord and Savior. As in every other aspect of our life, our speech is also to be Christlike. Let us remember that everything in our lives and conversation is in His presence and it may indeed be the thing which will determine what others think of Him. We represent Christ not only with our actions but also with our speeches and the heart behind it. 

Dealing with someone who fears falling out of favor from God.

Often counselees come to us with great guilt, that they are having hard time to overcome their temptations. Living a Christian life is not easy. Constantly dealing with our old life of sinfulness and the constant pursuit of the new life of righteousness that Christ has bought for us is the spiritual warfare that every Christians will have to battle. Although our hope for future where there will be no such warfare and there will be no more of sin is certain, there is nevertheless great battle of putting off our old self and putting on the new self that Christians often face. It is very easy and common for Christians to be discouraged during the sanctification process. We put all our efforts and sometimes our flesh is so weak that we give in to the very temptation we are fighting.  

The constant failure in the sanctification process often leads counselees to even doubt their relationship with God. They feel like they have fallen out of the favor of God. They understand their failure in meeting the demands of God and thus, they feel unworthy to be in the presence of God. This happens more often than we think. I have a friend that strives to pursue holiness, but he beats himself down when he fails and more often even doubts his salvation. He thinks that the favor of God in his life depends upon his obedience. While the pursuit of holiness is a Christ-like pursuit, one of the things that my friend neglects is that even as Christians, we still sin. We are not slaves of sin anymore, but we are still influenced by our sin and sins of others. And while Christians do have the ability and the resources available to them to deal with sin, and we should constantly deal with sin and pursue righteousness, we also need to remind ourselves that Christians nevertheless continue to sin. In addition to this, a major truth that my friend is missing is that God does not favor us because of our righteousness. The simple understanding of who God is, a Holy and perfectly righteous God implies that the righteousness that He demands is also perfectly Holy. Thus, any human attempt to race to the perfect holiness demanded by God is going to be met with failure. God demands perfect obedience and none of us sinful humans can match His perfect standard. So, one can notice why anyone who tries to earn favor from God eventually will face the downward spiral of feeling out of favor from God. How do we deal with such counselees? We simply share with them the beauty of the gospel. 

The beauty of the gospel is that what God demands, He also supplies.

Tweet

God demands perfect righteousness and while we were yet sinners and could not match His demand, God in His love gracefully supplies perfect righteousness through Jesus Christ. Martin Luther famously explained the Great Exchange that happened on the cross, our sins imputed on Christ and His perfect righteousness that meets the demand of God, imputed on us. So, that is why it is important for us to remember that we are saved by God’s grace, and we have already been favored by God.  The guilt of falling out of favor with God is gone. Through Jesus, we enter an eternal relationship with God. In this Christian life, while we do fail, and we run to God with repentance, we are comforted by the faithfulness of God in forgiving us (1 Jn 1:9), we are strengthened by God’s promise in never forsaking us (Deut 31:16), and we rejoice in the truth that nothing will separate us from love of God (Rom 8:35). Often, counselees that face anxieties and fear over their salvation need to be renewed in their mind with the truth and need to be built up in their faith. Our task as counselors is to give them the truth in love and seek the help of the Holy Spirit to transform their life through the truth.  As the truth of God goes in, the Holy Spirit uses the truth to renew the thinking and strengthen the faith of the believer on Christ and as a result: the fear and anxieties go out. It all begins with recognition that the beauty of the gospel is that what God demands, He also supplies. 

Humility: Mark of a Christ-centered life.

The Christian life is a life of selflessness. It starts with the recognition that pride has destroyed our relationship with God, but through Christ, we can humble ourselves and live our lives in total dependence upon our Creator. God created and sustains all things for His own pleasure (Revelation 4:10-11), but we get to enjoy the blessings that God gives when we humbly acknowledge our place as creatures and His place as our Creator. Thus, humility begins with the worship of God as our creator. Not doing so leads us to the oldest sin:– pride.  But the life of a disciple, which is showcased after the life of our master Jesus, should be a life of humility. Paul commands the Philippian church to, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4). A disciple is to live a humble life, serving Christ and others before serving themselves. The goal here is not to think less of yourself but think of yourself less as we become sensitive to needs of others more than ours. The following picture of a humble man painted by C.S Lewis in his classic book, Mere Christianity, helps us understand how to count others more significant than ourselves and be sensitive to the needs of others. Lewis writes: 

“Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man, he will be what most people will call ‘humble’ nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.”¹ 

Since the goal of Christian life Christlikeness, our example and standard come from the humble life of Christ, from His birth to the point of His death. No one ever humbled himself more than Christ did through His life and death. Jesus, who deserved every praise and entitlement as creator and ruler of this world lived a life of humility serving others and died a humiliating death. In the profound verses of Philippians 2:5-11, Paul magnifies the humility of Christ, which should lead us to imitate Jesus’ example.  By demoting Himself to humanity from the royal throne and giving away some of His privileges to be obedient to His Father’s will, Christ lived a perfect life of humility that God promises to exalt throughout the Scripture, leaving His disciples a perfect example to follow and be exalted like Him.  

Jesus not only showcased humility with His humanity, but He also taught a lot on the topic of humility. He often reminded the proud Pharisees that it is the one that serves humbly that will be the greatest in the Kingdom. (Matthew 23:11;Luke 14:1-11;18:14).  After washing His disciples’ feet, Jesus tells the disciples to follow the same path of humility. (John 13:14). He puts humility first again when the disciples were disputing who among them would be the greatest, “Jesus said, ‘But not so with you. Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest and the leader as one who serves. For who is the greater, one who reclines at table or one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves.” (Luke 22:26-27) 

Jesus’ life and teaching both indicate that the life of those following Him should practice humility. A humble life which is not based on what we deserve or what we think we deserve but one that is based on compassion, love and sensitiveness towards others. It’s thinking about others more than thinking about ourselves which showcases that we are counting others more significant than ourselves. It is becoming sensitive towards the needs of others before ours. God is calling to put God first and neighbors first in our me first culture.  

Said that, how do we foster a humble life. Since, humility does not come to us naturally, one ought to constantly put themselves on check. Looking at Jesus’ life and teaching, few ways one can practice humility can be as follows:  

Approach the worship of God humbly. Humility begins with worship of God. One of the ways we know we lack humility is when we feel entitled, especially with worship. “God owes me this, instead of I don’t deserve this from God” is an attitude of a prideful heart. Approach the worship of God: praying, singing, reading God’s word, with the mindset that you don’t have it together and you need God and be thankful that you have God’s presence and grace available to you. God does not owe us; He loves us enough to freely give us His grace. When we worship God in this humble manner, we can enjoy life and all the blessings of this life as what it is: the gift of God.  

Serve others humbly, when we think of ourselves less and become more sensitive to others, we mirror our humble Savior Jesus Christ. For example: When you go to church, think of how you can serve others. Be more sensitive towards their needs. How do we do that? When we become Christians that not only receive encouragement in Christ but also give encouragement in Christ, when we become Christians that not only are comforted by the love of Christ but also comfort others by the love of Christ, when we become Christians that want to have fellowship and do life with other like- minded believers and when we become Christians that not only have received affection and mercy in Christ but also are loving enough to share the same affection and mercy with each other. 

 Look at Christ to find strength to humble ourselves.  Jesus deserved to get royal treatment while on earth, but he forsook it all: born in a manger to a carpenter’s family, never owned land or property, often borrowed food to eat and place to stay, always served others wherever He went and died a humiliating death although innocent. Nothing can give us motivation and strength to exercise humility than looking at the life of Christ, especially on the cross as the creator of the world humbly submits Himself to His Father’s will.  

The humility of Jesus was so that we who are prideful may receive forgiveness for our selfish rebellion against God and upon encountering God may humble ourselves to live our life to glorify Him as we put our faith and trust in the fact that Jesus is Lord. May the humbleness of our Lord reflect upon us His disciples in such a manner that as John the Baptist concludes, “He must increase, I must decrease.” (John 3:30) be the patter of how we approach our Christian life.  

---

^[1] C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York, NY: Harpercollins Publishers, 2017), 128.

The Gift that stands out: Suffering for Christ’s sake – Is it a burden or a privilege?

We love gifts. We love it so much that gifts have overtaken the reason behind the season during Christmas. There is nothing wrong with loving gifts. In fact, in Christ we have the greatest gift, that is our salvation. Paul writes to Ephesians, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Eph 2:8-9). Grace and faith are both gifts of God, as Paul writes to the Romans, it is given to us “through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith.” (Rom 3:24-25) We would all love that gift. But along with that gift comes a whole lot of other gifts.  In our salvation, we now have access to the grace of God, we have the guidance of the Holy Spirit in us, we have assurance of the hope of eternity with Christ, and many more spiritually profound gifts that God gives to His elect. But along that line, Paul mentions a gift that seems unusual and stands out among all the other gifts that we have as a believer of Jesus Christ – particularly, when Paul is talking about suffering for Christ’s sake. 

Paul writes to the Philippian church, “For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in Him but also suffer for His sake” These words could not be more clear here. For Paul, suffering for Christ’s sake was a gift of God helping in his walk with Christ making his life worthy of the gospel. (context in verse 27) In fact in the same passage in verse 28, Paul tells us that faithfully enduring suffering for Christ’s sake is a sign of our salvation. We love salvation as gift and rejoice in it as we receive it, but do we receive the gift of suffering for Christ’s sake with joyfulness?

I write this because this is such a foreign concept in the western world. Somewhere along the line, instead of enduring the suffering and embracing it as God’s gift, we tend to doubt and question God’s sovereign purpose over our suffering because somehow we have started to desire ease and comfort more than God in our lives. This is such an alienated mindset when I read the scripture. When I read about Stephen standing firm in His faith and being stoned for sharing the gospel, when I read about Paul who has his whole list of suffering and trials he went through for Christ but never moved from his stance of being joyful in Christ, I am convinced that these guys found it a tremendous honor and privilege to suffer for Christ’s sake.

Paul is not the one to just write about rejoicing in the Lord but he himself rejoiced in the Lord always amidst all his sufferings. 2 Cor 11:23-28 paints a picture of the sufferings that Paul went through, “Are they servants of Christ? I am a better one—I am talking like a madman—with far greater labors, far more imprisonments, with countless beatings, and often near death. Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one.  Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers;  in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches.” And in midst of all that is Paul’s attitude as he himself writes in Romans, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Rom 8:28) How can a guy with so much suffering be the most joyful person? How can Paul see the unfair treatment and injustice he was facing in the world for faithfully proclaiming the gospel of the Creator of the world and still rejoice in the Lord always? How can Paul consider his dire circumstances to to be joy in the Lord?

The answer is found in the above verse in Phil 1:29, Paul considered all the suffering for Christ’s sake to be a privilege given to him by God Himself. This is the kind of attitude that would turn the world upside down as Paul was accused in Acts 17.  As we boldly make Christ known, we must stand firm as united body of Christ in midst of the opposition.   And yes, as we shine the light of the gospel to the dark world that is being blinded by the gods of this world, there will be resistance, suffering, and trials, but we endure it.  In fact we embrace it knowing that all of it is sign of our salvation and in truth is from God, as Paul writes, “This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God.” (Phil 1:28) We embrace the suffering because we know that in the end, eternity with Christ means that it was all worth it.  Christ is worth living for and He is worth dying for – and in all that, He is definitely worth suffering for. Just like we have the privilege and honor to share the gospel to the world as His ambassador, we also have the privilege and honor to suffer for Christ sake and endure it faithfully.  So as we extend God’s grace to many people, lets embrace earthly suffering that comes along with it, knowing that suffering is inevitable, but eternity with Christ will be proof that it was all worth it.

” So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2Cor 4:16-18)

Should I give up on my Marriage? Biblical Response

Marriage is a life long covenant of companionship between a man and a woman, created in the image of God, that results in unity for the purpose of dominion under God for God’s glory. So we know that marriage is ordained by God as lifetime of companionship patterned after the relationship of the Lord Jesus Christ and His Church (Gen 2:18, Eph 5:25-32) Said that marriage is not always going to be easy but it is built to last since it is motivated by God’s glory. It is work that takes sacrifice, grace, forgiveness, mercy and unconditional love, just look at Christ’s work for the church.

Said that is is not going to always be easy and without a conflict. Good relationships are not built because of an absence of problems, and no one is immune from conflicts, all are sinner and takes to set the stage for conflict. Thats why our hope is in Christ as Savior who helps us build solid and lasting relationships when we learn to deal problems biblically.

First of all, every marriage has their own issue and all the issues cannot be addressed in one blog without knowing what the issue is. But I do know and trust fully that the scripture is sufficient to deal with all life issues, including marriage. So my suggestion to anyone reading the blog is to seek biblical counseling so you may address the specific issues in your marriage biblically. If the issue is anger, seek biblical principles to handle it first.  DO it as a couple, work together as a couple and be renewed and restored as a couple as you seek repentance, reconciliation and restoration in your marital issues.

But what I want to accomplish in the blog is how to restore marital communication amidst the various conflicts, we can call it the way we should communicate in marriage biblically while in conflict:

• Be honest with each other. Be honest about your sins, put it off and speak the truth in love. Eph 4:25
• Be current about things that you have conflict about, with motivation to solve problems not to keep arguing. That’s what righteous anger is, which is used to solve problems not to attack others or self. Failure to solve problems means we are giving a foothold to Satan. Married couples often do that as they cut off communication when they get angry during conflict. Eph 4:26,27 Setting up conference table model mentioned above can help greatly in this matter. Details are below.
• Set up conference table daily to confer, not to argue. Begin by talking about yourself-your sins and failures-and settle all such matters first by asking forgiveness. Here is the link that gives full description and rules for it: https://graceky.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/The-Conference-Table.pdf
• Attack the problem, not the person. The goal is to build the other person up, not to bring them down. Eph 4:29. Avoid words that attack persons character tear them down and hinder their growth. Prov 12:18 Instead use communication that edifies and encourages. Eph 4:15
• Put off and Put on the habits mentioned in Eph 4:32 and 32. Act in a way that leads to solving of the conflict. Don’t react to the conflict that creates more conflict.

Lastly, as you work towards restoring marital communication, changing old habits might not be easy, but can be done. I would also encourage that no matter how irresponsible the other person is in communication, it should not change the way you respond, it should not change you from acting biblically. You can’t change the other person, but you can change how you respond.

Lastly for those that are in the verge of giving up on marriage, let’s see the requisite the scripture gives for divorce.

The only source that our conviction should come from, that is the scripture, which has everything pertaining to life and godliness, as Peter writes in 2 Pet 1:3. The scripture consist of general and specific principles stated in contexts to which they apply and exemplary incidents that are applicable to all of life including marital issues. In summary, there is no way to know God’s will and to receive His guidance apart from Scriptures. So, in order to be convinced that God wants you give up on your marriage, your conviction has to align with what God says in the scripture. So lets look into what God says about your marital issue in the scripture.

When it comes to divorce, we see two passages in the scripture that talks about it. First, lets read Matt 19:9,the reason for divorce is sexual immorality; we call it infidelity. Secondly, we see in 1 Cor 7, when an unbeliever is divorcing a believer. Other then than, Jesus himself strictly convinced his audience that what God has joined together in marriage, let no man separate.

Having established the biblical view, I do want you to know that does not justify the sinful behavior that spouses inflict against the other and does not mean we shouldn’t take any measures for your safety, if abuse is the case. But that’s why you are to receive Biblical Counseling and work through these issues as only through Holy Spirit inside of you guys and through the scripture, you are about to bring about Godly changes in your lives and in your marriage. Said that, if you spouse is still unrepentant and does not change and you feel unsafe at any time in the future, I would recommend you to seek legal help, call the police. Romans 13 say that they are ministers of God to punish the evildoer.  Lastly, in any decision-making, let the word of God be your foundation so that you may truly know God’s will in your life and in marriage. “

 

*General source from Biblical Counseling Training Conference on Basics of Biblical Counseling held at Sunrise Baptist Church, Ozark, Missouri, taught by Dr. Kevin Carson and Dr. Bill Piatt.

Depression: Biblical definition and response

Depression is a temporary emotional state characterized by exaggerated feeling of sadness and hopelessness that are not consistent with reality. Depression occurs when the discouraged feelings have stronghold in ones life where one doesn’t know what’s wrong and can’t seem to shake it off. In Biblical term, it is a downward cycle, which enslaves one in hopelessness and guilt, and when not reversed with upward cycle of righteousness, brings on a “slowing down or cessation of activity”[1], called depression.  It is a debilitating mood, feeling or attitude of hopelessness, which becomes a person’s reason for not handling the most important issues of life. We see it best in 1 Kings 19 in the life of Elijah where he goes through the downward spiral of feeling sadness and hopelessness that leads him into distress as he runs away from all his responsibilities, which we would call it as depression. We see the Psalmist in Psalm 42 and 43 go through such exaggerated feeling as he faces the oppression of the enemies. In both cases, they find their hope in God, not in their feelings or their situation.

The American Psychiatric Association has labeled depression as an illness based on DSM-IV criteria. In the medical world, it is considered a chemical imbalance. While there are organic issues that could drive depression such as low blood sugar, thyroid etc., depression in itself should not be called an illness. Chemical imbalance is a theory not a medical fact. Depression is a spiritual issue, and whilst medicine can cure medical illness and temporarily alter emotional state, it cannot cure the soul. Thus, it is important to understand depression (spiritual not the ones that is driven by medical illness as mentioned above) biblically to find the strategies to respond to it biblically. First, below are the biblical factors that drive Depression:

1. Feeling oriented living: Paul writes about disciplining his body under control in 1 Cor 9:27, which suggests that we should also have our feeling and emotions under control. Just like our physical body, our spiritual body and emotions and feeling are also the creation of God and are to be used properly for His glory even in dire situation. People who live by their feelings will not fulfill their responsibilities when they feel bad or unless they feel better. Instead of doing right or something about the problem when they do feel bad, they end up doing nothing, complicating the problem. As a result, the feelings are exaggerated and downward spiral of thoughts end up into depressive mindset. Similarly, a feeling oriented living bases their spirituality on unbiblical checkpoints such as their feelings, circumstances, which can lead one into a mindset of hopelessness. Our focus should not be to feel better, our main motivation as image bearers of God should be to honor God, regardless of our feelings and circumstance. We align our feelings accordingly, our source being the scripture.
2. Sinful habits: Sinful habits that go unbroken will bind us even tighter. Prov 5:21,22 plainly warns against the slavery of sinful habits. When those sinful habits are not broken, we see a downward spiral of wrong responses, which complicate the problem and leads into depression. We see that in Gen 4 where Cain sins and fails to repent by responding wrongly to God’s rejection of his mere offering. While warning Cain that his failure to repent would cause him to fall into deeper sin, God also provides hope in verses 6,7 as he graciously explains, “If you do right, you will feel right.” All Cain had to do was to repent and a subsequent change of behavior from sinful habits.
3. Emotion oriented: Depression in itself is not an emotional problem. Feeling sad and discouraged in itself is not bad and is God given emotions. It’s how we respond to these emotions that can be a problem. Again, we don’t live by our emotions, we live by faith, trusting and putting our hope in God and orienting everything including our emotions for His glory.

Below are Biblical strategies to respond to depression:

Our emotions are driven out of our heart attitudes, thus the bible consistently teaches us to change our attitudes/thinking, which will further change the behavior. Paul in Phil 4:8-10 starts by challenging us to think right (fill your mind with scripture) and practice what we have learned (obedience to God’s word) and it will result to feeling right as we feel the peace of God.

1. Change thinking:Below are few biblical ways to change our thinking:
   1. Rely Upon God for Hope:When it comes to depression, we need to start looking to God who provides hope. It is God who provides a way of an escape from temptation (1 Cor 10:31), provides strength to endure suffering (Phil 4:13) and is working all things together for good to make us more like Christ (Rom 8:28,29). Moreover, reminding ourselves of the gospel everyday helps us realize that we need God every second of our life and builds our dependency upon Him.
   2. Rely Upon God’s word:God not only provides hope but also provides answers in scripture. We need to rely on the scripture for our answer and to align our emotions as it is the word of God that is given to make us complete as Paul writes in 2 Tim 3:6-17 and contains all things that pertain to life, as Peter writes in 2 Pet 1:3. Thus in scripture, we find answers about our feelings, problems and about depression.
   3. Define Problem/Sinful Habits:We should define the problems, sinful habits, which drive our depression, so that we can establish and apply biblical principles to the specific problems.
   4. Focus on Praise and Thanksgiving: One of the main reasons why people are so feeling oriented and emotion oriented is because they forget God’s provision in their life and are not thankful to Him. Paul recognizes this unrighteous problem in Rom 1:21. Thus, reminding ourselves of the things that we can be thankful to God takes the focus off the feelings for ourselves and directs it towards the praise to God. Our feelings align with His glory. The goal is not to remove the depressed feelings, but to please God, be more like Christ.
2. Change actions:
   1. One of the ways people tend to lead their downward spiral of feeling towards depression is by isolating themselves. We see that in Elijah as he disconnected himself from the rest of the world and responsibilities in 1 Kings 19, and in doing so, he further complicated his problem. God used people, ravens to help Elijah. God is still using Pastors, counselors, and life-group leaders to encourage someone struggling with depression. Seek help, community, accountability.
   2. Get busy no matter how you feel. Don’t let your feeling define your actions. Let your focus on pleasing God fulfill your actions and responsibilities. Don’t fall into self pity session, fed by brooding, commiserating (mutual gripe sessions), failure to plan on eliminating onerous tasks from menstrual periods, getting behind, resentment, avoiding people, cutting corners, lying, excessive eating, refusal to eat, sleep loss, putting off decisions, and anything else that may lead to unpleasant feelings of guilt that conscience triggers etc, get to work instead.
   3. Take right biblical steps of actions. Either it be repentance for sins, or building dependence upon God and His word, as Paul writes in Phil 4:9, put the things that you have learned in the scripture into practice.

[1]Jay Adams, “The Christian Counselor Manual”, Zondervan: 1973, 375

*General source from Biblical Counseling Training Conference on Basics of Biblical Counseling held at Sunrise Baptist Church, Ozark, Missouri, taught by Dr. Kevin Carson and Dr. Bill Piatt.